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ANGST! RECRIMINATION! BUTTSEX!
Everything ends in tentacles.
Dear Fanficwriters of the Universe Internet:

You will keep writing fanfic even if we don't comment. Long observation has, if not proven this, at least strongly indicated that FANFIC WRITERS ARE LIKE SKELETONS, OR RON JEREMY: THEY JUST KEEP COMING. Moreover, some of you will probably stop writing even if we do comment profusely (pot, kettle, sirius). But the vast majority of you will keep writing because you like it, adapting to the paucity or superfluity of comments as a nomadic tribe adapts to local water conditions. In short: HAH HAH HAH, PWNED. BEG FOR IT, BITCHES.

Love,
Ack, Largely Silent Reader and Writer of Fic In Extremely Obscure Fandoms That Goes Uncommented On And Oft Unposted, Because It's Infinitely Less Time-Consuming To Write Fic In One's Head.

P.S. It's shit like this that makes me love and cherish my tiny little fandom of one two one. And, you know, skulk on the very, very edges of HP fandom these days. That, and no new canon to respur my LUV/CRACK = bored, jaded Ack.
P.P.S. K, I love you, but wouldn't "I now find chan squicky/morally unjustifiable, so I'm not writing or reading itanymore" have been more succint?
P.P.P.S I reserve the right to mock fan_the_vote, what with the huge amount of people posting offers relative to actual bids/donations made. Why? Because, see, I've already donated over $200 combined to the Kerry campaign, MoveOn, the DNC, HRC, ACLU, and NOW this year, plus I vote. In my local elections, even. If you need 500 words of someone's fanfic to make you cough up $10 for MoveOn, sorry, NO RESPECT for your political convictions, there. Also, I think one person donating all the time she spends on fandom for the next four months to volunteer with the Kerry campaign and go door to door would be a hell of a lot more productive. Which, you know, I just may end up doing. Also, as people have pointed out, it's illegal. A lot of the whole 'let's stick it to Bush!'-ism rubs me the wrong way, as someone who cares about the Democratic party as an entityreally wants the country to get past this whole Red/Blue thing. Everyone being apathetic right up until they go complete overboard in hyperpartisanism? Maybe human nature, but I still don't think it's healthy.

Current Music: Sneaker Pimps - Think Harder

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So, a long time ago, peripheralsight asked me for Ino/Shikamaru cuteness. And after watching Naruuto #71 and thinking, hey, there's not enough Shikamaru in this, I remembered her request. "I should write some PORN!", I thought.

But alas, I'd been reading too much Warren Ellis. So, this sucks.

House Rules, Naruto, G, Ino/Shikamaru.Collapse )

Current Music: the latest naruto ending theme, in my head

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Dear Fandom-as-large,

Regardless of my agreement or disagreement with your moral and political opinions, please please understand that the Declaration of Independence is not a legal document, never was a legal document, and never will be a legal document. It's certainly not law, and not even the direct basis for United States law. An articulation of the cultural principles that at one time influenced the basis of United States law, ie the Constitution, but not law.

"All men are created equal" is not law. "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness", although a lovely phrase, has fuckall to do with the Constitutional definition/notion of a right. You do not have the explicit or even implicit legal right to the pursuit of happiness; the Constitution makes no provision for the happiness or sorrow of the citizens of the United States. Such a thing is never mentioned in the Constitution. You're probably thinking of the bit about rights not directly granted by the Constitution or the States being implied and not infringable, by which somewhat wishy-washy provision along with the bits about search and seizure we in the US are more-or-less able to get away with not having an explicit right to privacy. (Alas.)

I love the Constitution, but it's a far less moral document than people have been miseducated into thinking it is.

Luv, Ack.

Current Music: Interpol - Stella Was A Diver And She Was Always Down

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From the NYTimes: COMMERCIAL PUBLISHING IS FANDOM!!!!!

Basically, the Amazon Canada site fucked up and revealed the real names of a bunch of anonymous reviewers, and a bunch of authors were found to have reviewed their own works.

An excerpt:
But even with reviewer privacy restored, many people say Amazon's pages have turned into what one writer called "a rhetorical war," where friends and family members are regularly corralled to write glowing reviews and each negative one is scrutinized for the digital fingerprints of known enemies.

One well-known writer admitted privately — and gleefully — to anonymously criticizing a more prominent novelist who he felt had unfairly reaped critical praise for years. She regularly posts responses, or at least he thinks it is her, but the elegant rebuttals of his reviews are also written from behind a pseudonym.

Numbering 10 million and growing by tens of thousands each week, the reader reviews are the most popular feature of Amazon's sites, according to the company, which also culls reviews from more traditional critics like Publishers Weekly. Many authors applaud the democracy of allowing readers to voice their opinions, and rejoice when they see a new one posted — so long as it is positive.

But some authors say it is ironic that while they can for the first time face their critics on equal footing, so many people on both sides choose to remain anonymous. And some charge that the same anonymity that encourages more people to discuss books also spurs them to write reviews that they would never otherwise attach their names to.


Excuse me. I have to die laughing now.

SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!!

(Happy ♥ Day, yo.)

Current Mood: chipper chipper
Current Music: Sneaker Pimps - Tesko Suicide

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I LIVE! ... kinda.

You know, it's really kind of stupid to critique/feedback people when you have fundamentally different notions of what a series is trying to do and who the characters are. It's not necessarily stupid to read fic where you know you don't agree with the author's personal sense of characterization, because they can be enjoyable nonetheless, but if you know that basically Author X and you just have a totally different conception of who, say, Snape* is and what it's logical/reasonable for him to do, there's really no point in commenting and saying you find him OOC in Fic Y. This is why I read a heck of a lot more than I feedback, unfortunately; mostly because I've found that most things that aren't out and out grammar/syntax/spelling issues are, well, simply matters of taste, and I know my own too well to assume that anyone else is really interested in adapting to them, or that they're anything but arbitrary.

Just sayin'.

Actually, come to think of it, a lot of points of grammar are also fundamentally matters of taste. A case in point: the common (over/mis)use of adverbs, and certain sentence constructs that, while widely accepted and use, are not in point of fact technically sentences at all.

In conclusion, monkey, and Dear Random Flucuations Of the Universe, please don't let my sweetie be 'transitioned out of the company'.

* And by Snape, I mean Roy Mustang.
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Addendum to the preceding post:

In #3, I'm basically talking about people who refer to themselves as writers/authors outside the context of fandom, or other such body of like-minded individuals. The point is basically 'don't lose perspective when you aren't still making a living at it', like all those waiters in Los Angeles: yeah, we know that you're "really" an actor, now just shut up and give us our latte and save being discovered for your lunchbreak, okay?

People can develop huge, gigantic writerly egos without ever having a word published; amazingly enough, this doesn't really tend to help anyone's efforts at getting published. I've done this (I got better), and I've seen a lot of other people do it. Standing up for one's right to call oneself a writer and the dignity of the amateur and all that is a noble, noble thing - as long as it does get to your head and fuck with your process and make you arrogant. Of course, this can happen to published authors as well: see Anne Rice.

Basically, I'm advocating a bit of humility, a lot of perspective, and as much of a sense of humor as one can muster.

And now, orks and cookies.

Current Music: Cowboy Bebop - Digging My Potato

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So, I read this, and blinked. I know Dex of old, you see; hell, I used to be Dex of old, kinda, but that's a long story, and -- well, let's just say that I was an annoying comics fanboy when I was sixteen and leave it at that. Yes, a fanboy. Fangirl/fanboy really have nothing to do with gender, do they?

I think I need to create Ack's Commandments. This has been brewing a while; I was going to do it for the "Ten Unpopular Fandom Opinions", but -- ooo, shiny! What was I saying again?

1) Thou shalt realize the difference between fans who are here purely to have fun and be social, and fans who are here to improve their writing and/or have a fandom 'career'. Yes, you can be/do both, but since these are basically fandom methodologies, you can really only have one. If you're particularly adamant about one or the other, don't associate with people who do the opposite. This allows for a certain amount of border keeping in net spaces you own or have responsibility for, but that's it. For fuck's sake, don't whine about what the fourteen year old squee-weenies are doing if your view of fandom is as a Serious Writing Workshop. Different strokes, different folks; and this is one case where seperate-but-equal can work.

2) If you have pretentions to Real Authordom or Serious Writerdom, thou shalt pander like the cheap whore the publishing industry requires you to be, or at least not turn up thy nose at Cassandra Claire and other people who get seven bazillion comments because "their writing is crap". No, their writing is successful. If your only standard for "good writing" is an entirely personal and subjective one (ie, if your stuff gets maybe two comments from your close friends but you think you're "better" than Cassie in some abstract way), then admit that it's subjective and that you're only in this for personal satisfaction, and drop the pretension. Popularity is the only really objective standard fandom has; and guess what, the only really objective standard publishing has is sales, which... looks an awful lot like popularity from here. My main point is that I think Dex is being really stupid for point #2. Don't write the same story over and over again? Uh, hello, how much genre fiction have you read lately? Most published authors, unless they're really, really spectacularly good, just write variations on a theme, or a handful of themes. If someone has a winning formula in one fandom that they've learned to successfully export to another fandom, that's, uh... pretty fucking good marketing instincts, right there.

3) Thou shalt not call thyself a writer or, god forbid, author, until thy works have actually been published. (Thou shalt also not call thyself a 'computer geek' unless you actually built your own computer, or wrote a significant part of its OS or other critical programs running on it, but that's a seperate bit of bitching.) No, really, this is just fucking pretentious. It goes back to the objective-vs-subjective standards thing: when you're actually successful in getting published, you want those terms to really MEAN something, don't you? And, yes, I called myself a 'writer' when I was a dopey sixteen year old, too. I was a pretentious cunt, I admit it.

4) Thou shalt not foster an overly communal view of fandom, nor allow one to be fostered in you: thy tribe is the tribe of man, and yet again thou art the tribe of thyself. Yes, people who do things like show RPS to the actors involved are stupid, and should be shot; but the prevailing notion of 'no! don't do that! it'll DAMAGE FANDOM!' is short-sighted, pernicious, and downright creepy. From there, you have things like an occasional dinner-and-boozing partner of mine insisting that two hundred fangirls voting en masse could be a significant political block in my home county. No, I'm not kidding, he actually said that (hi, Mik!), and I don't think he was kidding. Fandom will go on, fandom will survive (it has for a long, long time); but if fandom is your primary social identification, you might not, or at least you might fuck up your life severely. Arguably, it'll have a lot more to do with you than with fandom, but if fandom is the center of your life, unless you are (or are romantically attached to) someone making a living off of fandom (published authors count), you got problems. It's an awesome hobby; but unless you're lucky, that's all it is, and all it ever will be.

5) Thou shalt recognize that slash is weird psychological/emotional/only very occasionally sexual porn for women, gay men, and our allies (hah hah), that really has nothing to do with real life gay men, women, or chihuahuas, and leave it the fuck at that, on both sides. On one hand, Thou Art Not Writing Queer Lit. On the other hand, Thou Art Not Writing Queer Lit. This is one I wish both camps would just shut the fuck up about and beat into their heads. (And, yeah, I know I should take this attitude about bad "BDSM" fics, and I try to, but then I'll stumble across some story that involves Shit That Could Kill You(tm) and wince; on the third hand, I suppose there's always the real ending of Story of O, or, god forbid, Gor.) On the third hand, if you do want to wwrite queer activist porn that is both emotional and fucking hot and interesting politically (if a bit one-dimensional), thou shalt nab a copy of The Leatherdaddy and the Femme, by Carol Queen.

6) Thou shalt cultivate selective blindness for stupid people, and learn not to see them, except when their works cause you pleasure or interest. We all need to learn this one, me included. Then again, 90% of fun online is bitching about the people one considers to be retards, so who am I to encourage moderation here?

7) Thou shalt realize that everyone will agree when you tell the stupid people to shut the fuck up, because no one thinks they're stupid people. Rants like this have been ranted from the beginning of the internet, and they will be ranted when we have moved on to interstellar networks that use tachyon pulses and strange, unexplained waves from our brains. ("And to all of you who still care so VERY DEEPLY about the Alpha Centauri fight, SHUT THE FUCK UP. It's over. Both 923844122.5Beta and the Blue-green Colony have agreed to disagree and MOVED ON. Y'all can do the same. SHUT UP.")

8) Thou shalt refine thy fanfic offerings as a novelist would refine a novel to be sent to the publishers, or a company would refine a product. Experimentation, if you're trying to use fandom to improve your skills and you're moderately popular, may be a losing strategy. At the very least, refinement can be an equally valid one. See #2, above.

9) Thou shalt, if thou are using fandom as a sort of online 'how to be a real writer' academy, work damn hard at anything you want to be popular, including things that are not writing per se (roleplaying games, mailing lists, etc). Thou shalt use the running of these things to develop people and marketing skills, or at least a basic social awareness of what needs to be done. (I've learned that I WOULD BE THE WORST MANAGER EVER, at this point, which is why I almost never start things, and when I do they go nowhere; but hey, it's useful knowledge.) Dex, at least, is right in as much as WHINING IS NOT A SOCIAL SKILL.

10) Thou shalt get laid, unless thou art of the persuasion that does not wish to do so. Getting laid makes everything better.

-- yrs. truly in whoredom, The Ackinator.

Current Mood: whorish
Current Music: Kristin Hersh - Sinkhole

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A note on the preceding entry (which is still open, yo): I am late. i am sorry. I will get to it. Really.

Licking the blood off the wounds of a sick person? Not the best form disease prevention measures. Which is to say, I'm still hacking up green stuff deep from the pits of my lungs.

I am the Queen of Oversharing.

Merry Christmas, y'all.

Current Mood: COUGH HACK WHEEZE
Current Music: FFVII - Hurry! Faster!

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I'm alive. No, really. And I'll get into fandom again, soon... anyone want to beta a whole huge backlog of half-finished stuff I have, and tell me what's worth finishing?

Anyway, okay, Happy Ecumenical Snowflake Day, here's the deal: you give me a pairing or character or situation or idea or whatever, preferably from books/anime/manga/comics/TV/movies that I know (if you're not sure, ask, and original fiction counts), and I write you... ficbits! It's like giving out cards, only not.

Since my only plans for today are a) grocery shopping, b) cleaning, and c) recarving symbols into people, I might even be, you know, prompt!

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: assholes talking outside my window

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I just mentioned this over in liuxia, but a lot less people read that than read this, so: I have lots of spare webspace to spare on the account that <http://www.arithmancy.net/">Arithmancy</a> uses, so if any of you would like to get with the hosting love, drop me an email and I'll hook you up. (Well, maybe. But worth a shot, no? There's a certain knife on geocities I'm looking at particularly, here.)

Oh, and isiscolo, want more quota? Dreamhost just dropped a gig on me. So.

And now, back to writing Remus/James and shining up the rest of the porn. I'm wriiting. No, really.

Current Mood: writing writing writing no really i swear writing
Current Music: Delirium /Sarah McLaughlin - Silence

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